Fandom

Crotchety Old Man Calls Wiki

The VCR

60pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
The VCR
Disc 1, Track 21
Track guide
Previous
Reverse Crotchety Call-Autoclub
Next
The Dumpster

The VCR is the twenty-first prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Call series.

TranscriptEdit

(ringback tone)

William: Audio-Video department. This is William, how may I help you?

Milton: Thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the sales-schmuck that sold me this VCR!

William: Which VCR?

Milton: I bought a defective unit and I'm pissed beyond belief!

William: All right, hold on one second, ma'am...

Milton: I'm about ready to file a massive lawsuit against you! On my receipt, it said that get 100% satisfaction, is that correct?!

William: Yes, it is.

Milton: Well, I'm about to come down there and kick 100% of somebody's ass!

William: Who's the salesman person's name on the receipt?

Milton: I don't have that handy right now!

William: Okay, hold on one second, ma'am...

Milton: Wai-(stammers) No! I'm a sir! And don't put me on terminal hold!......I'm talking to you!

William: All right!

Milton: I bought a VCR!

William: Okay.

Milton: I opened it up! I hooked it up to my TV set, the cable box, the whole nine yards- took me four hours to hook this little (censored) up! At the end of this whole process, I tried to jam in a video tape to watch it!

William: Okay.

Milton: It was a pornographic tape, but that's neither here nor there!

William: Okay.

Milton: The tape would not go into the machine!

William: Okay.

Milton: At that point, I noticed a foul odor coming from inside the VCR!

William: Okay.

Milton: I pushed the eject button!...Listen! I'm gonna put the phone up to the VCR! Tell me if you can hear this!

William: Okay.

(Milton pushes VCR eject button; ejecting gears stall)

Milton: Can you hear that?

William: Yes, I can.

Milton: That is the eject mechanism!

(ejecting gears continue to stall)

Milton: When I hit eject, food came out!

William: Food?!

Milton: Yes! Food!

William: Was it a brand new VCR? Did you buy an open box, or-

Milton: No, it was brand new! I bought it $349.95! I hit the eject button and a moldy old sandwich infested with ants came out!

William: Wow! That's the first time I even heard of something like that-

Milton: Oh yeah! Sure it is! Then I hit the eject button again-!

(Milton pushes eject button again)

Milton: And, like, an eggroll came out! I have a VCR jammed with food!

William: Hmm. Best thing I can tell you, sir, is to bring it back and just-search it out and get a brand new one.

Milton: No, I tell you the best thing that's gonna happen is you're gonna come to my house right now and you're gonna pick this junk of crap up and bring me a new one!  

William: Well, sir, you know, uh, I'll let you talk to the manager, umm-

Milton: Plus, for my trouble, I have a list of demands!

William: (chuckles) Sir, you're gonna have to talk to the manager for your list of demands-

Milton: I want a new stereo, I want a big screen TV, I want a microwave oven, and I want a Sony Playstation for my son Chauncey! You get me all these items, plus the new VCR, we avoid litigation!

William: Well, sir, hang on. I'll transfer you to the manager.

Milton: Yeah, that'd be a good idea! Huh, brain surgeon?!

(Milton waits for a bit)

William: Sir?

Milton: Yes!

William: All right, I'm supposed to get your number and the manager is gonna call you right back-

Milton: Not good enough!

William: Well, sir, I have nothing else to tell you.

Milton: Listen to this!

(Milton pushes the eject button again)

Milton: Do you hear that?!

William: Yes!

Milton: I keep pushing the button!

(Milton pushes the eject button again)

Milton: Push, push, push, pushing! VCR eject button! And I got crud and slime coming out! Hello?

William: I'm here!

Milton: Well, why aren't ya talking?!

William: Because I have nothing to say, sir.

Milton: How can you have nothing to say?! You were all "yap, yap, yap"-

William: Sir, listen to me!

Milton: What?!

William: You're sitting on the phone, you're chewing me out, I have nothing to do with this, and-you know, the least you should do-I'm trying to help you. You should have a little respect for me trying to help you.

Milton: Well, listen here! You guys are all "yap, yap, yap-trap" while you were trying to sell me this thing, but now I got food coming out of the VCR slot! You're trying to just shove me right off like I got some kind of a deadly ebola virus!

William: Sir, we're not gonna get nothing resolved with you calling me names, calling the store names, or anything like that.

Milton: I'm not taking the trip down there! I'm not getting back on my Hoveround! I want you to come to my house, pick up this junk of crap, and bring me the things on my list of demands!

William: Well, sir, you need to talk to a manager for that. I can't say yes to that.

Milton: What's the matter? You can't make your own decisions?

William: Yes, I can make my own decisions, sir-

Milton: What, are you braindead or something?

William: You know, sir, if you're gonna keep this up-

Milton: I think you're an imbecile. I'd like to take this VCR and just whack it right over your head!

William: Sir, I don't have to listen to this...

(William's manager, Bob, enters)

Bob: (in the background) Give me the phone, give me the phone...

(William hands Bob the phone)

Bob: Hi, I'm Bob Agunta. I'm the manager here, and I'm not gonna let you speak to my employees that way.

Milton: Oh, really? Hey, Bob! You're a fairy! Listen to my VCR!

(Milton pushes the eject button again)

Milton: It's got all kinds of food and crap jammed inside! You're a loser!

Bob: You know what, sir? Bring the VCR...back to the store...and I'll shove it up your (censored)!

Milton: Oh, now that's service after the sale!

Bob: Goodbye, (censored)!

(Bob angrily hangs up)

(ringback tone)

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki