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The Golf Cart

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(Ringback Tone)

Man: (Censored) How may I help you

Milton: Oh thank god you answered! We got problems. I'm out on the course my golf cart will not shut off!

Man: It won't shut off?

Milton: Golf cart will not shut off! What did I stutter? IT WILL NOT SHUT OFF! I'm out here I teed off about an hour ago. I sliced one into the woods, got back in the cart to try and find the ball, and BAM it took off like a rocket. Cannot shut the golf cart off. It's going as fast as it can go!

Man: Well are you in it?

Milton: Yes I'm in it. Of course I'm in it!

Man: Where are you?

Milton: I was at three I don't know where the hell I am! I'm a mile away!

Man: Okay I'm coming out trying to find you.

Milton: Hold on a sec how do I shut this off? Help me through this first!

Man: Okay hi-hit the break.

Milton: I'm weaving, I'm swerving, I'm trying to avoid hitting other golfers


Milton: Hang O-hang on a minute!

(Milton hits the break)

Milton: Hitting break. Nothings happening

Man: Okay reach down their and turn the key off.

Milton: Ohh like I'm a moron that's the first thing I tried! Hold on a sec. Trying again. Listen to this!

(Milton turns the key)

Milton: Just turning! Doing absolutely nothing!

Man: Okay grab the handle, the black handle, and pull it up to the middle.

Milton: Black handle. I-I tried that, it snapped off in my hand. The whole thing broke in half, and I threw it out of the cart!

Man: Okay I'm on my way.

Milton: What else should I do. Hold on a sec. Don't leave me yet! I'm swerving and weaving. Holy, SIR LOOK OUT! SIR LOOK OUT!

(Milton runs a man over)

Milton: Holy crap! I just mowed him over!

Man: Did the cart stop?

Milton: No it's keep on going!

Man: Well get out of it!

Milton: WHAT!? Little louder what you say?

Man: I said I would try to jump out of the cart!

Milton: Okay.... LADIES LOOK OUT!

(Milton runs over some women)

Milton: DAHH! I think I killed them!

Man: Jump out of the cart!

Milton: I can't jump out of the cart. I don't know where it's gonna go!

Man: I'm on my way them.

Milton: Hold on a Sec. I got the water coming up! I got the lake coming up! Should I run it into the lake?

Man: Run it into the lake!

Milton: Okay here we go. Oh my God! Here we g...

(Cart crashed into lake)

Man: Hello?

Milton: I'm in the water.

Man: Can you get out of it?

Milton: WHAT?!

Man: Can you get out of the water?

Milton: Okay....(starts drowning). The cart is completely ruined.

Man: I'm coming out to get you

Milton: Can't swim. I can't swim. Help!

Man: Get out of it!

Milton: HELP! I'm going under!

Man: Get out of their!

(Milton drowns and presumably dies)

(Ringback tone)

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