|Disc 2, Track 1|
The Dumpster is the twenty-second prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Call series.
Woman: (censored) Recycling and Waste.
Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! I'm stuck in one of your dumpsters!
Woman: In the dumpster?
Milton: I'm stuck in one of your dumpsters! I was collecting...aluminum cans...like you hear right now...for recycling! You know, I can get sixteen cents a pound! I can make seventy to eighty cents a day! And I got stuck in one of the dumpsters and I can't get out!
Woman: Sir, let me transfer you to dispatch.
Milton: Thank you! Hurry up! I might die in here!
(Milton is put on hold; calm hold music playing)
Frank: Operations, Frank.
Milton: Oh! Thank...
Milton: God you've answered! Frank, I'm stuck in one of your...deathtrap dumpsters!
Frank: How did you get in the dumpster, sir?
Milton: I'm collecting aluminum cans and...I climbed in, I leaned over...and I fell in!
Frank: Excuse me, push the top of the dumpster open and climb out.
(Milton tries to climb out)
Milton: I'm trying! I can't reach it!
Frank: What is your location, please?
Frank: What is your location?
Milton: I-! I think-I'm at the Denny's!
Frank: Which Denny's is that, sir?
Milton: No, I-no, I'm behind the IHOP!
Frank: What is...what street are you located on?
Milton: I'm-I'm having amnesia. I can't remember cause it was 100 degrees out there today and I'm all hot!
Frank: Can you tell me what part of the city you're in?
Milton: I'm somewhere near downtown!
(dump truck approaches)
Milton: Oh! Hold on a sec! What's that?
(dump truck gets closer)
Milton: I think the truck is coming!
Frank: Push the top of the dumpster open so the driver can see you!
Milton: I'm trying!
(dump truck grabs dumpster with Milton inside)
Milton: Oh no! I'm getting lifted!
Frank: What is the number of the truck?
Milton: I can't see and I-I'm getting lifted!
Frank: Tell me your location so I can get in touch with the driver!
Milton: I'm getting lift-I'm upside down!!!
(Milton is flipped inside the dumpster)
Milton: He's slamming the dump-I don't think-!
Frank: Sir, where are you?!
Milton: I don't think I can hold on! Agh! I'm falling down!!!
(Milton is dumped into the back of the dump truck)
Frank: Sir! Tell me where you are!
Milton: (grunting, screaming) I'm in the dumpster! I was tossed in the back of the truck! I think it stopped.
(dump truck starts to compact the trash, along with Milton)
Frank: Where are you, sir?
Milton: It's starting to compact!
Frank: Tell me where you are!
Milton: DAH! I don't know!
Frank: Oh my God, come on! Tell me where you are! You got to climb out of there!
Milton: He's compacting the load!
Frank: Try to climb out!
Milton: I'm trying-!
Frank: Get his attention! Oh my God! What are you doing?!
Milton: Can't move...getting wedged...
Frank: GET OUT OF THERE!
Milton: I can't...
Frank: YOU GOTTA GET OUT OF THERE!
Milton: (struggling, grunting in pain)
Frank: OH MY GOD! GET OUT!
Milton: (grunting, screaming in pain)
Frank: WHERE ARE YOU?!!!
Milton: (grunting) I can't talk any long-it's a-
Frank: You got to try and get out! Get the driver's attention!
Milton: It's about to crush myself...
Frank: GET HELP! GET OUTTA THERE!
Milton: (getting crushed, grunts)
Frank: CLIMB OUT!!!
- According to Todd Schnitt on his Twitter, this call was made in 1996.