Fandom

Crotchety Old Man Calls Wiki

Overnight Chauncey

60pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Overnight Chauncey
Disc 1, Track 11
Track guide
Previous
The Bulldozer
Next
I Lost Mommy

Overnight Chauncey is the eleventh prank call in the Crotchety Old Man prank call series.

TranscriptEdit

(ringback tone)

Pre-Recorded Message: Thank you for calling (censored). To schedule a pick-up using your (censored) account number, press "1".

Milton: (wails) No!

Pre-Recorded Message: For delivery information on a specific shipment, press "2".

Milton: I need my son! (wails)

Pre-Recorded Message: For information about international shipping, press "3".

Milton: I lost my kid!

Pre-Recorded Message: For other information, or to speak with a customer representative, press the star key.

Milton: Yes, yes! Yes! Star!

(Milton frantically presses the star key on his phone)

Milton: STAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!........Star!

Terri: (censored), this is Terri Lowe. How can I help you?

Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! Terri, I've got a package emergency on my hands!

Terri: Okay, um, h- wha-what, uh...type of emergency?

Milton: I shipped something out and it hasn't gotten to the destination yet!

Terri: Okay, sir. What was the airbill number?

Milton: 0-6-3-4-8-0-4-8-1-1!

Terri: I'm sorry, sir. I don't have any record of that...uh, shipment.

Milton: It's not in the system?!

Terri: No, sir.

Milton: Oh, my God! We've got a catastrophe on our hands! Let me explain what's going on!

Terri: Okay.

Milton: I guess it's time for me to come clean!

Terri: Okay, sir. Just calm down and tell me what's wrong.

Milton: (weeps) We couldn't afford to send my fat kid Chauncey on a regular airliner to see Grandma, so...(weeps) I packed him in a box and I shipped him out (censored)!

Terri: You what?!

Milton: I packed him up with this tape...

(Milton unravels packaging tape)

Milton: And shipped him out!

Terri: Y-you're trying to tell me you sent out a human in a box?

Milton: Yes! Chauncey! My 375-pound bundle of love! (cries)

Terri: Okay, hold on. Let me get my supervisor.

Milton: Okay! (continues crying)

(Milton is put on hold; hold line plays relaxing piano music)

Pre-Recorded Message: Due to unusually high call volume, our representatives are still busy. Thank you for continuing to hold.

(Milton still on hold; music still playing)

Connie: Hello, this is Connie Morris. Uh, do I understand that you shipped a human being?

Milton: Yes, I shipped my fat kid Chauncey in a box! (cries)

Connie: You shipped your son?!

Milton: Yes! We couldn't afford an airliner so I stuffed him in the box! It was a very heavy load!

Connie: Where did this package originate from?

Milton: Tampa, Florida!

Connie: Okay, and-

Milton: My name is Milton Fludgecow! F-L-U-D-G-E-C-O-W; Fludgecow! (cries)

Connie: Okay, okay, and uh...you said this originated in Tampa?

Milton: Tampa! It was going to Albuquerque! He was gonna visit Grandma!

Connie: Okay, going to-

Milton: AHH!!! You gotta find Chauncey!

Connie: How could you ship a human being in a box like that? Okay, we're g- (pauses) We're gonna have to call the police on this, um...

Milton: No! Let's keep the police out of it!

Connie: No, no, I'm gonna need- I'm gonna need your home phone number so we can get in touch with you but-

Milton: I- woah, woah, woah, woah! Wait a sec! I put some chocolate chip cookies-!

Connie: We need to find where your son is!

Milton: (stammering) I- I know, but he had some-!

Connie: We have no record...

Milton: He had some cookies!

Connie: ...of proper shipment.

Milton: I gave him some water in a squirt bottle; he had a ham sandwich, and-!

Connie: We're gonna have to get the police's help on this...

Milton: Well, I even slapped...a fragile sticker on top!

(Milton fumbles phone around)

Milton: (whines)

Connie: Sir...sir, we have no record of this. We need the police. I'm gonna need your home phone number.

Milton: Do I get a refund since he wasn't there by 10:30? He had- he had his little Nintendo Game Boy in there to keep him company!

Connie: I don't care what you did for him! You do not ship a human being in a box!

Milton: I'm sorry!

Connie: We are going to need to get the police and we are going to need to get some information from you...

Milton: I can't hear you! The connection's getting very staticky!

Connie: Okay, we're gonna get in touch with the police-

Milton: I- what?!

Connie: I need information from you.

Milton: I can't hear you!

Connie: I need information from you!

(Milton's hearing aid falls out)

Milton: My hearing aid fell out! I can't hear you!

Connie: Please give me your address and phone number...

Milton: I can't-!

Connie: ...so we can get the police to help!

Milton: Ah! Whoop! Gotta go! Bye-bye!

Connie: Please, sir...

Milton: Blagh-!

(ringback tone)

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki