Hair Plugs
Disc 2, Track 15
Track guide
Demonic Furbee
Multiplex Morons
Hair Plugs is the thirty-sixth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. This one features Milton Fludgecow under the name of "Walter Creeglecrotch".


(ringback tone)

Jennifer: The Hair Clinic, this is Jennifer, how may I help you?

Walter: Oh, thank God you've answered! My name is Walter Creeglecrotch, how are you?

Jennifer: I'm fine!

Walter: I'm calling about your ad- you know, the one in the paper for the hair transplants-

Jennifer: Yeah.

Walter: And, uh, I've got a quick story I want to share with you first. Do you have time?

Jennifer: No, sir, I'm sorry. I really don't.

Walter: Oh. Great, just take a couple of seconds. Yesterday, I was walking through the condo complex, and boom! It was like a godsend- your ad in the paper about the hair transplants, so I wanna set up an appointment and get them plugged in!

Jennifer: Okay...

Walter: Now, I only have a limited monetary supply and I see that you have financing available.

Jennifer: Yes, sir...

Walter: Okay, to start with, I just wanna go with two plugs.

Jennifer: ....we can't do that, sir.

Walter: Why not? It says "$9 per plug"!

Jennifer: Well, you can't just do just two...

Walter: Well, that's all I wanna start with and maybe each month we can add another plug!

Jennifer: No, no, we need to do the full head.

Walter: All right, so $9 a plug times two- that'll be $18 to start with. I wanna finance that-do I have to fill out a credit application?

Jennifer: Yes sir, but we don't finance $18.

Walter: Well, I want two plugs! I want one...(doink!) and...uh, two! (doink!)

Jennifer: Sir, we don't do it that way!

Walter: Well, that's the way I care to do it!

Jennifer: Well, I'm sorry-

Walter: Oh! Wait a sec! I got a better idea! If I have a lot of hair on my back and on my butt cheeks, could we go ahead-

Jennifer: Oh! I don't believe this guy!

Walter: C-can we go ahead and transplant that on-hello?

(Jennifer hangs up)

(ringback tone)


  • Hair transplantation is the process of moving hair follicles from one part of the body to another.
  • This is one of the first calls in the series and is the only Classic Crotchety call that was put on the "Nothing But Crotchety" CD.