The Jet Ski
Katie: Good afternoon, (censored). This is Katie speaking, how may I help you?
Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the schmuck on wheels that made these eyeglasses!
Katie: Excuse me? Wh...what's your name?
Milton: Do you speak English?! Repeat after me: my...eye...glasses...suck! I'm driving right now in my car...and I just got the glasses and I'm feeling all dizzy and woozy and my eyes are getting blurry!
Katie: But you're- you're driv-
Milton: Like...like somebody smeered toothpaste on here!
Katie: You're driving right now?
Milton: Yes, I'm driving right now!
Katie: Okay sir, I need you to pull over the car.
Milton: I can't see any-what'd you say?!
Katie: I need you to pull over the car.
Milton: Who the hell made these glasses- Stevie Wonder?!
Katie: Sir, I will try to help you, you need to pull over the car before-
Milton: Wha-?! Why sh-?!
Katie: Somebody- somebody is going to get hurt.
Milton: Why should I pull over the car just cause I can't see and I'm going 60 miles a hour?!
(Milton smashes into the side of another car)
Milton: DAHHHHH!!!! Oh my! I just smashed into somebody!....I just ripped somebody's whole side off!
Katie: Oh my God-sir, please pull over the car!
Milton: I can't! I'm late for football practice! I'm in the senior's league! I need to speak to somebody that made these glasses because I can't see crap!
Katie: Wha-what is your name...?
(Milton crashes into school bus)
Milton: Holy-I just mowed into a school bus! Hold on!
Katie: Oh my God, is-
Milton: Everyone's okay. I just peeled the whole side off! Sor-sorry!
Katie: Please stop the car!
Milton: I can't stop the car! Do you people know how to make eye gl-oh my God, telephone booth! Telephone booth! Telephone booth!
(Milton crashes through telephone booth)
Katie: Sir, please!
Milton: I ju-I just mowed over a tele-I'm in a parking lot of a supermarket now!
Katie: Well, you can stop there!
Milton: I'm in the parking lot! Hold on! WOAH!!!
(Milton weaves and swerves)
Milton: Holy-I'm weaving and swerving and weaving and-oh my God! I'm in a park-
Katie: Sir, please! Oh my God...
Milton: OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
(Milton crashes through the supermarket)
Milton: I'm in the-oh my God!
Katie: Are you okay?
Milton: I just-I'm in the supermarket! AH!!!
Katie: I can't hear you! Are you okay?
Milton: I just smashed into the su-I'm in the supermarket! Holy! Oh my-there goes the pasta! Ah! Hostess cupcakes right down the left! Spam! Spaghetti-O's! Kibbles and Bits! Oh my-I'm dragging the shelves!
(Milton crashes into deli counter)
Milton: AHHHH!!!!!! I just bashed into the deli counter! Oh my God! Hello?! Can you-
Katie: Is everyone okay?
Milton: I don't know!!!
Katie: Stop the car!
Milton: People are fleeing!
Katie: Can you hear me? Stop the car!
Milton: AHHH!!! Get outta the way!!!
(Milton crashes into back wall of supermarket)
Milton: Oh! I'm-uh, the car hit the back wall! Okay, I'm-
Katie: Is anyone hurt?
Milton: I'm stopped! Oh! It's all because of your eyeglasses! My car is wrecked, I've smashed the supermarket, countless other vehicles, and it's all your freaking fault at (censored)!
Katie: Is everyone okay?
Milton: I think so! I think most people fled the scene when I bashed through the front of the supermarket!
Katie: Okay, I'm going to try to get you some help. You need to tell me which supermarket are you in?
Milton: I'm in the one down the street!
Katie: .....that doesn't help me much, could you be a little more specific?
Milton: Yes! The supermarket that has all the food! (pants) You guys are paying for my car, you're paying for cumulative damages! I want a check right now for $79,000!
Katie: My manager isn't in-
Milton: That's it! I'm coming after you right now! Backing up the car!
(Milton backs his car up, tires screech)
Milton: Coming after you! So long, toots!
(Katie hangs up)
- Stevie Wonder is a blind musician who has been active since 1961.