Fandom

Crotchety Old Man Calls Wiki

Eyewear Scare

63pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Eyewear Scare
Disc 2, Track 20
Track guide
Previous
Salad Shooter
Next
The Jet Ski
Eyewear Scare is the forty-first prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls.

TranscriptEdit

(ringback tone)

Katie: Good afternoon, (censored). This is Katie speaking, how may I help you?

Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the schmuck on wheels that made these eyeglasses!

Katie: Excuse me? Wh...what's your name?

Milton: Do you speak English?! Repeat after me: my...eye...glasses...suck! I'm driving right now in my car...and I just got the glasses and I'm feeling all dizzy and woozy and my eyes are getting blurry!

Katie: But you're- you're driv-

Milton: Like...like somebody smeered toothpaste on here!

Katie: You're driving right now?

Milton: Yes, I'm driving right now!

Katie: Okay sir, I need you to pull over the car.

Milton: I can't see any-what'd you say?!

Katie: I need you to pull over the car.

Milton: Who the hell made these glasses- Stevie Wonder?!

Katie: Sir, I will try to help you, you need to pull over the car before-

Milton: Wha-?! Why sh-?!

Katie: Somebody- somebody is going to get hurt.

Milton: Why should I pull over the car just cause I can't see and I'm going 60 miles a hour?!

(Milton smashes into the side of another car)

Milton: DAHHHHH!!!! Oh my! I just smashed into somebody!....I just ripped somebody's whole side off!

Katie: Oh my God-sir, please pull over the car!

Milton: I can't! I'm late for football practice! I'm in the senior's league! I need to speak to somebody that made these glasses because I can't see crap!

Katie: Wha-what is your name...?

(Milton crashes into school bus)

Milton: DAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!

Katie: Sir!

Milton: Holy-I just mowed into a school bus! Hold on!

Katie: Oh my God, is-

Milton: Everyone's okay. I just peeled the whole side off! Sor-sorry!

Katie: Please stop the car!

Milton: I can't stop the car! Do you people know how to make eye gl-oh my God, telephone booth! Telephone booth! Telephone booth!

(Milton crashes through telephone booth)

Katie: Sir, please!

Milton: I ju-I just mowed over a tele-I'm in a parking lot of a supermarket now!

Katie: Well, you can stop there!

Milton: I'm in the parking lot! Hold on! WOAH!!!

(Milton weaves and swerves)

Milton: Holy-I'm weaving and swerving and weaving and-oh my God! I'm in a park-

Katie: Sir, please! Oh my God...

Milton: OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

(Milton crashes through the supermarket)

Milton: I'm in the-oh my God!

Katie: Are you okay? 

Milton: I just-I'm in the supermarket! AH!!!

Katie: I can't hear you! Are you okay?

Milton: I just smashed into the su-I'm in the supermarket! Holy! Oh my-there goes the pasta! Ah! Hostess cupcakes right down the left! Spam! Spaghetti-O's! Kibbles and Bits! Oh my-I'm dragging the shelves!

(Milton crashes into deli counter)

Milton: AHHHH!!!!!! I just bashed into the deli counter! Oh my God! Hello?! Can you-

Katie: Is everyone okay?

Milton: I don't know!!!

Katie: Stop the car!

Milton: People are fleeing!

Katie: Can you hear me? Stop the car!

Milton: AHHH!!! Get outta the way!!!

(Milton crashes into back wall of supermarket)

Milton: Oh! I'm-uh, the car hit the back wall! Okay, I'm-

Katie: Is anyone hurt?

Milton: I'm stopped! Oh! It's all because of your eyeglasses! My car is wrecked, I've smashed the supermarket, countless other vehicles, and it's all your freaking fault at (censored)!

Katie: Is everyone okay?

Milton: I think so! I think most people fled the scene when I bashed through the front of the supermarket!

Katie: Okay, I'm going to try to get you some help. You need to tell me which supermarket are you in?

Milton: I'm in the one down the street!

Katie: .....that doesn't help me much, could you be a little more specific?

Milton: Yes! The supermarket that has all the food! (pants) You guys are paying for my car, you're paying for cumulative damages! I want a check right now for $79,000!

Katie: My manager isn't in-

Milton: That's it! I'm coming after you right now! Backing up the car!

(Milton backs his car up, tires screech)

Milton: Coming after you! So long, toots!

(Katie hangs up)

(ringback tone)

TriviaEdit

  • Stevie Wonder is a blind musician who has been active since 1961.

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.