| Dumber and Plumber | |
|---|---|
| Call 48 | |
| Prank Call Guide | |
| Previous Craftmatic Bed |
Next The Golf Cart |
Dumber and Plumber is the forty-eighth in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series.
Transcript
(water pouring out of toilet)
(ringback tone)
John: (censored) Plumbing.
Milton: Oh! Thank God you've answered! Who is this?
John: This is John.
Milton: John, I've got a plumbing emergency! In other words, I'm up Crap Creek without a paddle!
John: Okay, sir. How can I help ya?
Milton: I've got a water flood everywhere! I was in my bathroom and I was soaking my dentures in a big glass of extra strength Efferdent! I accidentally dropped my chompers in the toilet! I-!
John: Uh-oh!
Milton: I subsequently tried to reach into the toilet to get 'em out and that's when I got my arm stuck up towards the shoulder!
John: Woah, woah...
Milton: I'm stuck in-!
John: Woah! Wait a minute, hold on- you got your arm stuck?
Milton: It's wedged all the way down and I can't get it out!
(Milton flushes toilet)
Milton: I'm trying to flush myself free!
John: Okay, hang on now. You don't wanna flush the toilet.
Milton: What?!
John: You do not want to flush the toilet.
Milton: I can't hear you! I think I have water stuck in my eardrums! I can't-!
John: Sir, you do not want to flush the toilet!
(Milton flushes toilet again)
John: Sir!
Milton: Nothing is happening!
John: I said don't flush the (censored)-damn toilet!
Milton: I think you're a freakin' fraud! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!
John: Now hold on a second! I am certified!
Milton: I keep flushing and flushing! You don't know what you're talking about!
John: Sir-!
(Milton flushes toilet again)
John: ...start doing as I tell you!
Milton: What?!
John: I told you don't flush the toilet!
Milton: I'm trying to-!
John: You gotta turn the water off!
Milton: I can't! It's starting to get high in here! I can start swimming around like a damn fish in an Olympic swimming pool!
John: Aww!
(splashing noises)
Milton: Listen!
John: Sir, you've got to turn the water off!
Milton: I can't reach the valve!
John: Turn...there's a valve. There's a little-
Milton: I know...I can't reach it!
John: You've gotta be kidding...
Milton: I can't reach the- the water level's getting high! It's about to reach the countertop and I have a hair dryer plugged into the wall!
John: Sir, you're gonna have to pull that dryer out-
Milton: I can't-!
John: You gotta turn the water off!
Milton: I can't reach- the water's about to hit the hair dryer!
(Milton gets electrocuted)
(Milton screams and hollers in pain)
John: What is your address, sir?
Milton: I got jolted! I lost my memory! I don't know! I'm starting to get under the-!
(Milton drowns and gurgles water)
John: Oh my God-
Milton: (gurgling)
John: Sir...
Milton: (gurgling)
John: Sir!
Milton: (gurgling)
John: Sir!
Milton: (gurgling)
John: You must reach the-! You gotta turn off-!
Milton: (gurgling)
John: You need to open a door! Sir, can you open the door?!
(Milton drowns and dies)
(ringback tone)