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Demonic Furbee
Disc 2, Track 14
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Demonic Furbee is the thirty-fifth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Call series. It is by far the most popular and well-known prank call out of all the other calls, with the audio being used in numerous fan-made videos under the names of "Defective Furby", "Demonic Furby", and so on. An interesting thing to note is that the title of this prank call misspells the name of the actual Furby as "Furbee".

TranscriptEdit

(ringback tone)

Melissa: Thanks for calling Wal-Mart. This is Melissa. How may I help you?

Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the toy department!

Melissa: ...okay, please hold.

Milton: Yes, I've got an emergency!

(on hold)

Deborah: This is Deborah, can I help you?

Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! Is this the toy department?

Deborah: Yes, it is.

Milton: I have an emergency! I'm calling about Furby!

Deborah: I'm sorry. I don't have any...

Milton: No! I'm not calling cause I need the Furby! I'm calling because I have a defective Furby that's spitting all kinds of violent words at me!

Deborah: Yes, ma'am...

Milton: I'm a sir!

Deborah: Yes, sir...

Milton: My name is Milton! I bought little Furby here for my 14-year-old boy Chauncy! He's 493 pounds and I promised that I would get him a Furby if he'd drop 25 pounds! He's down from 520, you know!

Deborah: Ye-Yes sir...

Milton: Listen to this Furby! I'm gonna put the phone next to the Furby right now! It's making all kinds of demonic noises and it's making all kinds of cursing and gestures at me!

Furby: Listen here, you little brat! I'll kill you! (demonic laugh)

Milton: Did you hear that?!

Deborah: Yes, sir...

Milton: It said it was gonna kill me! Did you hear-hold on! It's talking again!

Furby: Ooooooh! Eat me!

Milton: Now it's using profanity! Did you hear that?!

Deborah: Yes, sir...

Milton: Were is this coming from? I think we're looking at a lawsuit here!

Deborah: Where are you calling from, sir?

Milton: I'm from my house right now!

Furby: I'm going to kill your mommy with an axe!

Milton: Did you just hear that?!

Deborah: Yes, sir. Can you hold on a minute, please?

Milton: It said it was gonna kill my mommy with an axe! What kind of crap are you people selling over there?

Deborah: ...where are you from, sir?

Milton: (stammering) It's talking again!

Furby: Shut the hell up, jackass!

Milton: Listen to that! How can-

Furby: I smoke crack! Ooooooh!

Deborah: Sir...

Milton: It just said it smokes crack!

Deborah: Sir, can I let you talk to my manager, please?

Milton: Little Furby here is promoting drug use! Yes, put your manager on the phone immediately because I'm calling a lawyer next!

Deborah: Okay, hold on, please...

Milton: Yes!

Manager: Hello, how may I help you please?

Milton: Yes, is this the manager?

Manger: Yes, it is. How can I help you?

Milton: Is this a decision-making manager or a patsie for the higher ups?

Manager: Sir, how can I help you? I'll try my best.

Milton: I have a defective Furby that I purchased from you guys! It's spitting out all kinds of vulgar and demonic phrases and I'm about to call a lawyer to sue your ass off!

Manager: What did you say the Furby is doing and where did you buy it?

Milton: I bought it from your store here-

(Furby makes demonic Exorcist noises)

Milton: Now it's making the Exorcist noises! Hang on!

(Furby continues to make demonic noises)

Milton: Hang on, let me...let me shake it a little bit and see if I can get it to talk!

(Milton shakes the Furby)

Furby: You're a little whore! He-he-he!

Milton: Did you hear that?!

Manager: Sir, are you sure that's the Furby doll?

Milton: Yes, I am! It just called me a whore! Did you hear that?!

Manager: I-I....um...

Milton: Hold-listen-

Furby: You smell like a camel's ass! Oooooh!

Milton: Now it's calling me a camel's ass! Wha-what are you people selling there?!

Manager: Well, as far as I know, we sell, um...

Milton: I'm gonna turn that into "Fludgecow-Mart" when I get through with you! This thing is starting to scare the hell out of me!

Furby: Die! Die! Die! He-he-he!

Milton: It just told me to die, die, die!

Manager: Where did you-

Furby: I will spit acid in your eyes and blind you! He-he-he!

Manager: Oh my God!

Milton: Now it's threatening to spit acid in my eyes and blind me!

Manager: I heard!

Milton: I think-should I call the police?!

Manager: I-I don't know what to do...

Milton: What do you mean you don't know what to do?! You're a manager! I think I'm gonna call the Bomb Disposal Unit and have them take this damn thing away!

Furby: Ooooooh! I'm going to give you gonorrhea!

Milton: Now it's threatening me with sexually-transmitted diseases! (cries)

Manager: I've never heard a Furby bot-doll say any of those things...

Milton: Oh, right! What the hell is going-is this some kind of a joke?

Manager: No! I-I...

Milton: If this is your idea of a joke, I'm gonna sue your ass off personally, too! You're gonna be living in the street pushing a shoping cart in about three weeks!

Manager: Sir, I understand-

Furby: I have a gun! I'm going to shoot you now! He-he-he-he-he-he!

Milton: Now it's threatening to shoot me with a gun!

Manager: Sir, I hear these things, but I just-

Milton: It's got a gun! It's got a gun!

Manager: Oh!

(Furby shoots Milton)

Milton: (screaming in pain)

Furby: (laughing)

(Milton collapses and dies)

Manager: Sir? Sir? Oh my God....(stammers)

(ringback tone)

TriviaEdit

  • Furby is a well known electronic pet that was initially sold by Tiger Electronics during the late 1990s and on into 2000, and is now sold by Hasbro, who remade it and released it following a five year hiatus in 2012.
  • This call has been mistakenly attributed to The Jerky Boys and "Weird Al" Yankovic on numerous occasions.
  • Wal-Mart is a well-known and widespread chain of retail stores based in the US.
  • Some variations of this call have "Wal-Mart" bleeped out while others have everything before "I'm a sir!" cut out.
  • Milton was previously menaced by another demonically possessed object in "Demonic Cable Box".

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